The Nostradamus of North Kerry is wary of the British. We met this week as the sun was shining in our city park.
The British plan, ”he said,“ is to get revenge for what we did to them on Easter Monday 1916, while they were having fun at the Fairyhouse races.
“I think what shocked the British the most was the fact that we organized the Easter Rising on their day off, which they took to be very bad form of us.”
Here’s a little bit of background. Last week, Arlene Foster and Boris Johnson gave us hope for a vaccine bailout.
So I said to the so called Nostra of North Kerry, “If AstraZeneca made Easter eggs, there would be thousands of children crying next Sunday morning because of the shortages. And isn’t it very friendly of Boris and Arlene to help us out when needed? “
Man is not to turn around.
“Rubbish. The British know that if we get their spare vaccines, we will start fighting among ourselves over who gets vaccinated first. La Garda will be at odds with the teachers, and the under 60s will face off against the over 50s. years. Neighbor versus neighbor and brother versus sister. It’s the old colonial deception of Divide and Conquer.
He got me there. I have never seen any harm in immunization donations.
The Nostradamus of North Kerry was known as The Man Who Knows It All Before He Changed His Name. Enough said. Say no more.
“What do you think of my conspiracy theory? ” he asks.
“Interesting,” I answer. In this country, interesting means that I pay no attention to anything you say.
The government presented a plan to save rural Ireland earlier this week. One party suggested the government would save pubs by helping residents run their premises.
“Don’t say I didn’t anticipate this was going to happen,” said The Knowing All-In-One.
“Billy,” he said, “the pub will now be state subsidized, which is only fair because the state has been subsidized by the pub for years.”
We met a friend and her new puppy during our remote walk in the park.
The dog, we were told, was a Cavapoo. The beautiful curly dog has royal blood on the father’s side. The father was a King Charles Cavalier and the mother was a poodle. Hence Cavapoo.
The Know-It-All has offered free marketing advice. “If I were a Cavapoo breeder, I would go for a rebranding as they should do with The Kerryman. The name Cavapoo would put you off because it sounds like a rush dose after drinking too much sparkling wine. What about Curly Wurly? “
So the owner tells the prophet that the Cavapoo costs 1,500 €.
I was sure he would give up, but the people here don’t call him the All-Knower for no good reason.
Here is his opinion. For memory.
“Great value. There is a lot of money to be made with dogs. So if you have a Cavapoo bitch and she gives birth to 10 puppies, that’s fifteen thousand, and none of them will have to. winning a race at Shelbourne Park to maintain the value of breeding. Easy money. No pressure. “
“It makes sense to me,” I say. Encouraged, he continues.
“If the dog lives 15 years, well, it’s a personal trainer paid at only 100 a year. The Cavapoos are as lively as a Dublin footballer at seven in the morning. She will take you for a walk even if you don’t want to go. Dublin could do a lot worse than giving every player a Cavapoo.
I am coming back home. There is nothing more tiring than listening to the obstinate, but he follows me by phone.
“Do you mean to tell people via the Independent Irish to take it easy with sex when they’re above in the room? “
I think I know where he came from.
The Minister of Health announced this week that two people who have been vaccinated may be alone in a room.
The man who knows everything is afraid that we will have more misfortune on us if the second wave of sex starts. Like many fundamentalists, he blames the first wave of the pandemic.
He called again on Good Friday morning. I knew what he was going to say before he even said it.
More context. In 2018, pubs were allowed to open on Good Friday. I opened our bar, but the Man Who Knows Everything foresaw the dire consequences.
“You haven’t had a lucky day since,” he said. “In the old days, when the Egyptians played the bandit role, there was an invasion of locusts or nits, or something like that.
“Pubs are suffering because of their greed on Good Friday. “
I’m tired of him now and all his bad news.
Then he says that Sinn Féin defeated the government at the decentralization strategy announced in the national plan using social media assistants in Serbia.
If we were allowed, I would fly somewhere just to get away from him, but there is no air travel.
He wrote to Michael O’Leary to bring back airplanes to the open, like the cockpits of WWI fighter pilots. I tell him that people leave Ireland for the heat, not the cold.
Know-it-all ignores my logic.
“I have a question for you,” says the one who reads the future without tea leaves.
“Keep going,” I say. “I’m all ears, like King Charles, the father of the Cavapoo. “
“Is there a chance to have a Good Friday drink?” »Asks the illuminated.
– No, I say.
“I guessed it,” replied the Nostradamus of North Kerry..